Wednesday, August 7, 2019

A Letter to the Love of My Life

#SafeHavenRequired, #MustEnjoyHolidays, #DontBeAHoover..and a letter to the love of my life

After I get divorced and I’m ready to date again, I’m considering one of these to be my online dating username. I don’t need a cutesy rainbows and butterflies username, I need something to weed out the narcissists and psychopaths of the world. 

At this point in my life with my newfound realizations, I know what I must have and can’t have in a partner. I married my narcissist husband twice, you can’t really beat a dead horse (so to speak) more than that. As I write this letter to the love of my life (not my soon to be ex husband again), it may explain my unique usernames.

To the Love of My Life,

I don’t know who you are just yet, maybe I’ve already met you, or maybe God will introduce you to me soon; but here is my fragile heart that has been pieced back together, wrapped in bubble wrap. It’s for you, only you. Even though it’s been broken a few times, I finally got out the Gorilla Glue to put it back together. I wrapped it in bubble wrap because it’s still fragile and is hesitant, but excited at the same time. 

I want you to be my best friend, my soulmate, my safe haven. I want to be so incredibly vulnerable with you that I can sit and hold your hand, lean my head on your shoulder and exhale. I may need your reassurance from time to time with your smile, words, and gentle touch. I may need you to fight for me sometimes because there may be battles that I’m so tired of fighting alone. When you kiss me, it doesn’t have to be the first or second time you kiss me but damn it please, for the love of all love stories, just once kiss me the way that Nick first kissed Jess in New Girl. It’s that unexpected, incredibly wanted, take my breath away kind of kiss. 

I want you to be one of the brightest parts of my day. When I see you, hear your voice, or see your message come through my phone, I want to be able to smile, like grandma just made a fresh batch of cookies smile. You must enjoy the holidays, not just Christmas but enjoy spending time with family and embrace the meanings of holidays. For the love, please tell me you like the fall season. I’m not that “basic white bitch” (quote from my ex) that likes pumpkin spice in everything but man do I enjoy pumpkin patches, sweaters, apple fritters, fire pits, and curling under a blanket and looking up at the sky. I love Thanksgiving and Christmas, I enjoy quality time with my people the most. I love seeing my kids light up when they see what gifts are under the tree. Oh, and Christmas lights, they can be so beautiful, no matter how big or small, there’s just something about driving through neighborhoods and seeing how they are decorated and bring joy to others. I hope you share that joy for holidays too, please don’t make me dread it every year. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a good Christmas. 

I want you to bring positive energy into my life. This abusive asshole just sucks it out of me like a vacuum cleaner. I want to feel replenished, refreshed, and restored. You will runneth my cup over because you will get me, accept me, and love me. You will be my reset button when things are chaotic, you will be my foundation when I feel like crumbling, you will be my cheerleader when I feel like I’m failing, and you will be the one and only love of my life.