Thursday, August 8, 2019

Grief and Growth

Something very dark, very sinister about the way they enter our lives. They rewrite our brain chemistry, alter our memories before, during and after our time with them. They enter our very genetic base code to the point of implosion, destruction, and chaos. Even after they’re gone, our relationships change some better, some worse, some we question. There is a need to isolate to avoid more pain. At the same time, there is a need to feel loved and socially connect. One thing is for certain, our relationship with a narcissist has changed us. It has made us look deeply at ourselves, our friends, the people around us, and the world, and raise an eyebrow to everything. 

People will notice we have changed. It’s obvious. This isn’t love gone wrong, a break up of romance, this something far more tragic and psychologically damaging. We can’t fix it, stop it or cure it. It just evolves. We met and interacted with a very dark, disordered person. We can find short-term relief, apply bandages to the wounds seen and unseen. We can take classes, read books, do therapy. but we still face that monster alone inside when it decides to visit, in person or our memories. This is a very real thing, the thoughts, feelings and the pain is very real. We grieve the loss while finding our light.